Critique the following paragraph. Explain where it could be improved.

"Playing in the snow is one of my happiest childhood memories. The winter offers more than a time for kids to have fun. There are many things to do in the snow. It is unfortunate that so many people find the wintertime annoying. More people should step outside to enjoy the snow. I am glad I grew up where it snows."

Question

English

Roger Esparza

16 July, 00:06

Critique the following paragraph. Explain where it could be improved.

"Playing in the snow is one of my happiest childhood memories. The winter offers more than a time for kids to have fun. There are many things to do in the snow. It is unfortunate that so many people find the wintertime annoying. More people should step outside to enjoy the snow. I am glad I grew up where it snows."

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Answers (1)

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Lilian Gutierrez · Answer 1

"in the snow * was one of ... "

"offers more * then a time for * children to have fun ... "

"to do in the winter now and it's unfortunate ... "

" ... find the wintertime unpleasant"

"should * go outside and enjoy ... "

"I am glad I grew up where it snows"

I recommend these changes as well as limiting the number of times you say snow and replace it with a different word, as well as using more descriptive adjectives