Which sentence should be revised to reduce wordiness?

A. People live with a general expectation of privacy, not considering how thoroughly their daily actions are monitored and recorded by various devices.

B. Some monitoring, such as video surveillance in many businesses, including banks and retail stores, is to be expected as necessary in order to provide security for the businesses.

C. People don't often consider how thoroughly their activities are monitored and recorded.

D. People live with a general expectation of privacy, but in reality their daily actions are being monitored and recorded by various devices.

Question

English

Giuliana Forbes

6 December, 20:08

Which sentence should be revised to reduce wordiness?

A. People live with a general expectation of privacy, not considering how thoroughly their daily actions are monitored and recorded by various devices.

B. Some monitoring, such as video surveillance in many businesses, including banks and retail stores, is to be expected as necessary in order to provide security for the businesses.

C. People don't often consider how thoroughly their activities are monitored and recorded.

D. People live with a general expectation of privacy, but in reality their daily actions are being monitored and recorded by various devices.

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Answers (1)

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Byron Levy · Answer 1

Among the choices, letter B is the most complex. This is because it uses two clauses just to deliver its meaning. Jamming a lot of clauses in one sentence would cause the reader to be 'breathless'. A good sentence must be short enough to be read in one breath, but precise in meaning. One clause could be enough. If you want to add more information, you can use conjunctions or transition words. But do not overdo it.